For any intimate relationship to be healthy, there has to be a balanced cycle of contact and withdrawal. This means there should be a flow between meaningful connectedness and appropriate psychological space. Couples must learn to be self-sufficient and confident enough to move between emotional contact and the need for appropriate distance. Renowned therapist and author James Krehbiel offers his insights on how to maintain a healthy, balanced relationship in this column at TheImproper.com.
I think this is a strong point and corresponds with my personal experience. I guess one would need to start with letting go the romantic idea of an ideal relationship in which couples are supposed to be together in emotional extasy all the time. And if they are not, this means something has gone terribly wrong and this is a sure sign the just isn’t enough love. If I just knew this before, long long ago; that this balance is extremely important and that it is difficult to be in a good relationship without firstly being emotionally self-sufficient. So that than one is with a partner/lover/spouse because one wants/loves to be with him/her rather than because one cannot stand being alone and without partners.
So, thanks for posting this good point and reminding me of that.
Comment by Robert Krzisnik — January 25, 2008 @ 12:28 pm